The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly: What Working Moms Really Think About Stay-At-Home-Moms

Over the past two years I’ve been debating the pros and cons of being a stay at home mom or stay at work mom and have picked the brains of countless other working moms who have already waded through this dilemma or are currently struggling with it themselves.

Here’s what working moms had to say (based on my formal interviews of moms-at-large and casual chats with friends), including the good, the bad and unfortunately, even the ugly:

The Good

SAHMs have it the best.

• “She’s so lucky she can spend time with her kids.”
• “She’s so lucky she can afford to stay at home.”
• “She has the best life and doesn’t even have to work.”

SAHMs are the true working moms.

• “I don’t know how she can stay at home with the kids 24/7.”
• “I couldn’t stay home with my kids – I’d go insane.”
• “I don’t want to stay at home.  I like working and I need a break from my kids.”

The Bad

SAHMs should be doing more since they have so much free time.

• “She’s a stay-at-home-mom so of course she has the time to exercise.”
• “Let’s have the stay-at-home-mom do the research for our group trip.  The rest of us are working and don’t have the time.”
• “Why wouldn’t she do [X]?  She doesn’t work.”

 SAHMs are cop outs.

• “I can’t believe she wasted her [X] degree to be a stay-at-home-mom.”
• “She’s just a stay-at-home-mom.”

The Ugly

SAHMs don’t have the right to complain. 

• “She has no idea what it’s like to manage a family and a life:  she’s a stay-at-home mom.”
• “Why does she have problems with [X]?  She doesn’t have anything to worry about except playdates.”
• “Her kids should be better behaved.  I mean, she spends all that time with them.”
•  “Why is she so unhappy?  She doesn’t have to work.  Her life is so easy.”

Today’s Verdict:  Hung jury.  Staying at home or staying at work, having kids is a full time job.

WIPLA June Cocktail and Networking Reception (6/9)

Join WIPLA at MacArthur Park Restaurant in Palo Alto from 5:30-7:30  p.m. this Thursday (6/9) for cocktails and friendly networking with your fellow female intellectual property litigators from the San Francisco Bay Area.

Register here.

Cheers!

Triple Event Thursday (3/31): Cloud Computing Panel, Biotech Networking & Women and Open Source Panel

Don’t have enough on your plate?  Rather sip on wine and nibble on apps instead of cooking dinner?  Here are three events this Thursday (3/31) to improve your awareness of cutting edge issues and expand your network at the same time:

• SCU’s High Tech Law Institute and Biotech Law Group is hosting a free wine and cheese networking event from 5:30 – 8:00 p.m.  Join other private practitioners and in-house counsel in the life sciences, biotech and biomedical fields for a casual gathering in the Wiegand Foyer of the SCU Arts & Sciences Building.

RSVP to Jeff Smyth at jsmyth@scu.edu by Wednesday (3/30).  More info here.

• If you’re already on the SCU campus, stick around for Cloud Computing:  A Multi-Disciplinary View From Technology, Business and Law in the Multi-Purpose Room of the  Bannan Engineering Building.

Panelists Bernard Golden (CEO of Hyperstratus, Cloud Computing Advisor to CIO Magazine and author of Virtualization for Dummies), Riaz Karamali (Corporate Practice Partner at Sheppard Mullin), Jeremiah Cornelius (Security Architect in VMWare’s Technology Partner Alliance) and Steve Riley (Technical Leader in the CTO Office at Riverbed Technology) will discuss technical issues, business benefits, and legal implications of cloud computing and how each of the disciplines can benefit by working closely together.

Networking with wine and hors d’oeuvres at 5:45 p.m., followed by a presentation and discussion from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.  Register and more information here ($8 IEEE Members; $12 Non-IEEE Members; free to SCU laws students).

• If a female focus is more your thing, check out Women & Open Source:  What’s In It For Me? hosted by Symantec in Mountain View from 6:00 – 9:00 p.m.  (Don’t miss the wine and “heavy appetizers” from 6:00 – 7:00 p.m.)!

Panelists include Cat Allman (Open Source Programs Office, Google), Elizabeth Krumbach (Linux Force),  Alison Chaiken (MeeGo) and Beau Lebens (WordPress) and Janet Fouts (social media coach, speaker, author, & entrepreneur) will moderate the program.

“Whenever you use Firefox, WordPress, Chrome, or Wikipedia- you’re using Open Source (whether or not you realize it). There’s probably a lot you don’t know about the benefits of seeking out and using this kind of software. When looking at software applications, you may be able to save yourself money and/or wow your boss by suggesting a low-cost Open Source alternative to more familiar programs. Many of us use WordPress- but perhaps you didn’t realize it’s a complete, highly reliable content management system with a lot of features and plug-ins.  One concern we have is that there aren’t many women active in the Open Source community. During this lively panel discussion you’ll meet some amazing women who are actively involved and one man who feels the community would greatly benefit from a more diverse group. You’ll also learn about careers and business opportunities in Open Source.”

Register here and more information here ($10 SDForum members; $25 Non-members;  $0 Platinum members).